“Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said.”Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.” -John Green, The Fault In Our Stars
Lately, I have have been on multiple dates and have been experiencing a lot of confusing feelings. You are my readers, my supporters, my need & will power to write weekly. I have had writers block this week, not knowing what to talk about or how to even begin to go through my suggestions. One common suggestion was talking about ‘love’ or talking about ‘relationships.’ Now a lot of you consider this blog to be advice. I do not give advice. I just simply give lessons that I have learned or are trying to learn- and maybe writing them down will help me remember them as well. Sometimes I write as I am trying to figure something out myself. Advice giving is a lot easier than advice taking, that’s for sure. But here is my take on relationships.
In a relationship, you need somebody who’s willing to call you out on something, not somebody who’s going to let everything slide and appease your feelings. You need somebody who doesn’t want to live without you, but can. Not somebody that is dependent on you for everything, but somebody who is stronger with you. You need somebody who knows your quirks and mess-ups, but still looks at you like they are seeing something new. You need someone who isn’t afraid to call you stubborn but someone who will let you win once in a while. A relationship is two people, not one. A relationship is also between two people, not the entirety of the internet, friend groups, families, and your college.
I feel as if the number one lesson I have learned through my extravagant 19.5 years of life would be that just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you. Should I restate that? Maybe in bold this time… Just because someone desires you, does not mean they value you. Someone who desires you will tell you how they feel about you to make you happy. Some who values you will show you how they feel because they want you to know how they feel. Someone who desires you will buy you presents when they mess up. Someone who values you, knows that random $5 bouquets or home made CDs show more love than they could put money’s worth.
People often ask about long distance relationships. Would I ever get into one? Have I ever been in one? What advice do I have? None. Zero. Zip. I have no advice. But these questions are fair of course. The way you feel is the biggest part of the relationship you are in. Physical touch and sharing experiences are important too, but the truth is, nobody can be prepared for a long distance relationship. It is up to both people to never stop finding ways to remind you that though they aren’t physically there with you, they are always with you. As many years away from somebody it takes- you should know that it should be worth that much more to spend the rest of your ‘forever’ by each other’s sides. Absence makes the heart grow fonder…right? It diminishes small loves and increases great ones. Just like the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
There will be one person different than everyone. You tell things to them that you’ve never shared with another. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed when you make a fool of yourself. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. A phone call or video chat during the day helps to get you through a long week. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person and this person is important to you. If this person leaves, know you gave them your heart; doing so gave them the opportunity to hurt you. But, I am a strong believer in fate. What is meant to be will be. And people that are meant to be together will always find their way back to each other. So what if your relationships are confusing and make your life messy?! If you’re anything like me, at the age of 19 I feel like relationships are supposed to be confusing. Relationships of all kinds are going to make your life messy. Life’s going to be messy for different reasons. That’s a guarantee. But, perfect was never the plan. Purpose is.
So my beautiful human beings of the internet, there are three simple rules in life that also apply to relationships go as follows:
1. If you do not go after what you want, you’ll never have it.
2. If you do not ask, the answer will always be no.
3. If you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place
…and who wants to stay there forever?
As Jarod Kintz said, “I’m running from the very person I’m chasing, and this is how I know I’m in love.”