I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ve felt emotionally stunted, like something’s on the tip of my fingers just waiting to be set free on my keyboard. I have gotten a lot of emails and face book messages on my page for this blog asking me to write about love, self esteem and self confidence. So here is my take on love.
I will love you when you’re beautiful enough to look as pretty as the girls on Instagram. I will love you when you get rid of those love handles and you remove that birthmark on your leg. Until you do either of those things I will think negative things about you and run you at the gym until you can’t feel your legs. I will torment you and not allow you to eat the things you want. Are you stressed yet? Good keep pushing yourself. I will love you when you are perfect.
I will love you when you are equal to those whom you admire. I will constantly write lists and tasks of things for you to do to be perfect. You complete the list? I will write you another. You will never be good enough because you can always be better.
I will love you only when someone else loves you. When I will see how they look at you and maybe I will realize that you are lovable. If that person stops loving you, I will hate you. It will be your fault. You aren’t good enough. When will you stop messing up? This is all your fault. Everything is your fault. I will only recognize your love and beauty when other people do.
I will love you when you change everything about you and make yourself flawless. I will love you when you dye your hair and go tanning to have perfect hair to skin coloration. I will love you when you are more intelligent, when every answer is correct. You failed a test? You failed me. Study harder. You couldn’t go to the gym? Failed again. Work twice as hard tomorrow. Didn’t get enough likes on your picture? You failed again. I will love you when other people admire you.
… Do you understand what I just wrote? Can you fathom these words? This is how we regard ourselves now. This is how young girls, women, and teenagers are seeing themselves. This is how dependent the love we give ourselves is on our acceptance from society. When does it end? If everyone woke up tomorrow and loved themselves and their appearances, do you know how many corporations would go out of business?
Did reading this break your heart? Why would anyone write something this cruel? If we wouldn’t allow this from others, yet why do we allow it from ourselves?
So, please remember to love yourself first.