From The Depth of My Soul

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.” –Winnie the Pooh

Most days just pass by like a blur; not much different than different cities and neighborhoods flashing by the windows of a train. But there are some days and moments that hit you harder than these blurs. When these come around a moment stuns you as it happens. Today the moment I am referring to is the night my aunt died. I wish I could say it was a blur, but in truth, every second is seared into my brain.

I think today I’m going to be angry all day. Anger has always been the longest and most intense stage of grief for me. Anyone who talks to me or reaches out a hand I will smack it away. I’m going to be sad and I will probably cry. I’m going to miss her a little more than normal and feel let down by medicine and doctors and I’m going to really hate that she got dealt the hand she did…or that is what I have been doing for the last 5 years on this day. But, this year I am going to be sensible. I am going to search for meaning or rationality. I am going to write and draw and I am going to live with the light she saw inside of me.

When historians write down new discoveries and when archeologists discover lost civilizations, they unearth stories. Written on the walls of caves or chiseled into stone tablets are the stories of these people. These societies and these nations wrote down the story of their lives, hoping that after it is all written down, some sense could come from it. Sometimes writing just creates sense and awareness of this life. Writing to you has helped me become aware of how short life really is. I will no longer be bitter or upset or hold onto this darkness in my heart. Instead, I will love those who are here while I can and I will remember those who have passed with a sense of content. Instead of saying “why couldn’t they have more time” I will recognize the impact they had on me during the time they did have.

So, we must remember to live, in spite of the sadness in remembering. They would want us to celebrate life not mourn death.


Kelly Anne



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