“Home is where one starts from.” –T.S. Elliot
We all grow up a little out of place. Don’t we? Maybe that was just me. See, I can’t remember a single time growing up that I was not set on growing up and meeting new people. I had this idea that once I was out of 8th grade, I would figure out my place in this world… Reality check, I had no idea how big this world actually is. I was a blossoming creative & clumsy extrovert attending a school where I simply just didn’t fit in. The girls were mean, the boys liked the mean girls and then there was me. Well, that’s not completely true there was a group of us or a “clique” of us who were outcasts, but were we outcasts if we were a group of our own?
Anyway, I spent years searching for the place where I belonged in grade school and then in high school. I tried everything from ice skating to soccer, from gymnastics to basketball, from track to softball, and the only thing I stuck with was dance. Unfortunately I have tendonitis in my knee and eventually developed back problems so dance was no longer an option for me. So what was I then? …. Kelly. Just Kelly. Not Kelly the dancer or Kelly the violinist or Kelly the forward. Just plain Kelly. I felt extremely alone. Then college came along and I really only made two real friends while attending my first college. “You will love college” they said. “You will do great things at your university!” they said. “College consists of the best years of your life” they said. Then why did I want to graduate so bad? Because I felt alone.
But I wasn’t alone. I’m never alone. Every new city that I travel to, with every new person that sits next to me on planes and trains- I learn that everyone has some eternal feeling of unsettlement. And this is what hit me: there is no place in this world where you belong. There is no city, no profession, no place where a Kelly-shaped hole has been perfectly carved out in the Universe for me to fit into. I have been spending the past 20 years looking for the right passion, the right title, the right city, the right state, for me to fit into when in reality the place probably doesn’t even exist yet! Home is a feeling not a destination. Belonging is a feeling not a place. When your days are full of smiles, your throat is full of laughter, and your eyes are glittering like water: then you are where you belong.
So, the truth about where you belong is that it doesn’t exist right now; but somewhere in the future.